There really is quite a bit to know about getting older, things that nobody told me when I was 40. I thought at 60, I’d be me, only older and a little slower. So wrong! Here are some of the things I wish someone had told me:
Q: Is gray hair like normal hair, only gray?
A: No, gray hair isn’t like regular hair. It is coarser and has a mind of its own. It must be tamed with generous scoops of product, otherwise it looks like this:
Q: What about other hair, like eyelashes and eyebrows?
A: Head hair, eyebrows and eyelashes will get thinner, lighter, and sparser. Other hair – face, personal areas, toes – will continue to flourish.
Q: Will I enjoy new hobbies in my later years?
A: Yes, sure, but mostly your interests will veer toward the medical: doctor appointments, tests, pharmacies, side effects, etc. You’ll have just enough time left over for the occasional crafts festival.
Q: How many pairs of reading glasses will I need?
A: One for every room, one for every purse, and a couple extra on the makeup counter. That’s about thirteen pair. Fortunately: Dollar Store.
Q: Can I still wear lipstick when I’m old?
A: Oh hell, yeah, but it will go on the lam, fleeing into the little
crevices lines around our mouths. Bye, lipstick, hello lip balm.
Q: Is there any good news?
A: YES, so much, and some I probably haven’t even discovered yet:
- Immeasurably less stress/worry, because most of the time we know how it turns out. Why worry, and suffer twice?
- People think you know stuff, and attribute wisdom and grace to you (you deserve it).
- You don’t take any crap, from anyone. If you’re returning an item and a clerk gives you ‘tude, you’ll have the most fierce, yet composed, face in return. In sotto voce you say: “Help me understand this . . .” Problem solved, trust me this works.
- You know what you love to do/wear/pay attention to, and that’s what you do. You know who elevates you and you spend time with him/her.
- You’re still here, and the beautiful things grow more beautiful every day.
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