I only use Facebook for my business account, that is, my Not Dead Yet Style page. I do have a personal page, but I haven’t posted, or even looked there in many months.
As part of my Not Dead Yet business, I often post clothing and accessories that I think midlife women would like. The styles are all pieces I would wear, and almost always under $100. This venture generates enough income to pay for my internet hosting, and to get my hair and nails done once a month. It’s not a sound retirement plan : >
And it’s mostly a pleasure to share my fashion finds with other women. I’ve gotten to know some of the frequent commenters, and now we swap style, health and aging tips with each other.
Then there are the Crabbies. Although I am a trained and licensed mental health professional, I still don’t get the hostility and general unpleasantness that springs up on Facebook. For example, if I post a skirt I like, and think others will like, and it’s on sale, I may get these responses: “Ugly shoes!” “Looks like a washrag,” “I hate that color/style/store” and “I wouldn’t wear that to take out the trash!”.
That’s freedom of expression to be sure, but where’s the motivation to post such negative comments? And yes, I do feel bad. I don’t think I’m especially thin-skinned but I am human.
Here are some re-frames I’ve used to get happier:
- Remind yourself there are unhappy people in all walks of life. They may be at the grocery store or in your orchestra group, but they rarely say actual unkind things to you there, because you are a real person. Online, you’re just bits and bytes to them.
- The internet has created universal free speech, like it or don’t. Anyone with a connection can make their voices heard; that’s an overall good. Gotta accept the bad with the good.
- Most people by far are gracious; they’re too busy living full and happy lives to comment on my denim jacket!
If you’ve experienced the Crabbies, please share below, and add any helpful tips you have for forgetting about them.
Stay fabulous and enjoy every sandwich, xo
Some great winter pieces to browse: