Three Things You Really Need And Three You Don’t

My therapist used to advise me to distinguish between what I want and what I need. She said we often try to turn our wants into “needs” so we feel justified wanting them. So I am woke now about the difference, and it’s OK to say “want”. This post is about those needs, though, the stuff we can’t dress well without.

You may have a huge wardrobe or a tiny one, but there are a few things we all need, to look and feel good. Things you do need, style edition:

Cool shoes. They just have to be cool to you – and comfortable of course – so you feel great wearing them. They add personality and a signature touch to your outfits. And we need to wear shoes anyway, so why not make them fierce or funky or whatever your style choice is. I favor oxfords and booties – they go with everything in my closet.

Love these, so sleek and chic.

Good underthings. I don’t need to wear a supportive bra, as I’m small on top. But I do need a little uplift and comfort, so I wear camisoles with built-in shelf bras. I refresh them frequently, often from GAP or similar. I buy my bikini briefs online from Amazon, after a lot of hits and misses. Some of you like lacier pieces, that’s all good too. And I just found out from a friend that a “good (supportive) bra” can be $80! It’s cheaper to be small busted. : >

I buy them from various sources, always in cotton and under $12. This one’s from Kohls.

Basic skin care and sunscreen. No matter our age or skin type, we need to take care of it starting asap. You’ve no doubt got a routine; please make sure it contains a sunscreen (says the woman who had a melanoma removed six months ago). My daily routine is: gentle cleansers, moisturizers and Vitamin C serum in the morning, and Retin-A at night. And a bucket of SPF 30. Use it on your neck and hands too.

This one combines a hard-working moisturizer with sunscreen.

And here are three things you don’t need in your happy life. These are time suckers or time wasters, and keep us from enjoying life as it rolls by.

Obsession with social media. This is a huge issue for me. I recognize that, versus five years ago, I am typing/scanning more, and living less. I read this somewhere: don’t lose a memory for a text.

Approval from the masses. Of course we all like to be approved of. But we don’t need pats on the head from everyone in our real and online lives. Some people even dislike how we dress, or talk, or vote. We don’t need their approval to be happy.

Faux drama. Oy, this is something I avoid at all costs at my advanced age. Most everything will work itself out. If it doesn’t we can choose to keep trying, or step away gracefully. Roll with it, we don’t need added drama in our already full lives. xox

Drama cat.

Tell us what you need/don’t need below, and stay fabulous, xo,


Some pieces to browse, I want them:

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  1. A big YES to all three of those needs. I used to be small-chested like you, and even though I didn’t put on a lot of weight, when I was in my late 40’s, the girls started getting larger to the point where I need a good supportive bra. I was perfectly happy with the small chest I had most of my life, so it was very disappointing to have to deal with boobs!
    I will always be on the lookout for cool and comfortable shoes. Some Docs work, and in the summer I purchased a few pairs of the FITFLOP uberknit sneakers and they are super comfortable.

  2. Great post and very sound advice Patti. It seems I need pretty much the same as you – maybe that’s because we’re about the same age? Anyway, great facecream with SPF is a winner. A decent bra in my case is essential, but always without those terrible wires and yes, cool shoes are a need rather than a want. And finally, another swimsuit is de rigeur for me as mine always are sagging and fading after daily use.

    Have a lovely weekend!
    Anna x

    • Thanks Anna. You’re my only friend who goes through swimsuits quickly! Brava to you, xox.

  3. Yes to all three needs, Patti. I definitely need more comfortable shoes the older I get and it’s a bonus if they look fab too. The need for a good bra is important for me too. I’m average chested but getting bustier with age and not wearing a (good) bra is a definite no no. The social media thing is a big issue for me too. I only do Facebook to keep in touch with old friends, but try to limit the time I spend on it. I spend far too much time on blogging, though, but that’s because I love it. Had a good chuckle at drama queen cat 😉 xxx

    • Hi Ann. I think a lot of us over-40 women aren’t sure how much social media we want in our lives. Remember letters, even postcards? : > xox

  4. Born with hip displaysia and have a swanky titanium one now but still no desire to wear heels. I like funky, clunky unisex shoes like Fluevogs, Docs, and Birks. Bonus when they can be resoled!

    Can sympathize re finding good bras for a larger bust. Years ago I spent a day getting fitted at Nordstrom leaving $1,000 poorer but equipped for a long time. These days I mostly wear the full-size Coobie bras. Affordable and great for everyday comfort plus surprisingly supportive for a 36DD/E.

    • I have a greater respect now for my bustier sisters! I love the shoe brands you named, xox.

  5. I agree with the three needs, but have only been successful finding one out of the three. Too well endowed, but not financially, so those catastrophic bra prices are not in my budget, nor can I wear an underwire, so a comfortable, supportive bra eludes me. Still searching for a comfortable shoe even though this category is where I would spend the money. The last is a challenge due to chronic pain from ankle surgery a couple of years ago. Skin care is covered–not at great expense–but I am blessed with good skin genes.

    As for wants, mine would be travel which I do get to do, just not as much as I would like. Never been on social media, never been one to ask permission or seek approval–so neither of those is an issue. As for drama, I stopped watching the news and TV in general about five years ago and now read international newspapers first, and then turn to US publications only for as long as my blood pressure can take it…which I measure by just how much swearing I start to do when just reading the headlines.

    • I feel you about swearing at the news! Sorry for your foot pain; I had wrist surgery last year and it’s become arthritic. Thanks for coming by and sharing, xox

  6. In my life, I need shoes I can walk in for awhile. So far, I’ve found only two brands to satisfy that need: Crocs for arthritic feet and Finn Comfort Shoes (several styles). I alternate wearing the Finns; Crocs are only for walking in the yard and to the gym. The best supportive bras I’ve found are close to $200; they are also sexy, so that’s a bonus. Fortunately my preferred skin care is not too expensive and is very effective.

    • Hi Carol! I’m amazed at the price of good bras. Then again, we wear them every day, like shoes, so might as well get the good ones. Thanks for coming by, xox

  7. Yes, yes,yes to the no drama! I’ve learned to see it coming down the road… and make my escape early. I like the permission to say ‘I want’ instead of faking ‘I need it.’
    Thank you for the inspiration!

  8. I agree with all of your suggestions.
    Comfy shoes are more important to me as I age. Before I could tolerate the pain to look good, notsomuch anymore.

    I’m so turned off of social media. I do it because I feel it is necessary for my business but I’m not on it often, most likely when I’m standing in line or waiting for something.


    • I know, right? Feet are so crucial to happiness now. I think/hope we’re on the first wave of growing disgust with social media. Unplug!! xox

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