“How Not To Act Old”

I don’t know how I’ve missed this hilarious series until now: writer Pamela Redmond Satran has excerpted her book, How Not To Act Old, in More magazine. There are chapters on How Not To Act Old At Work (“Don’t bring the donuts”), At the Beach (“Quit slathering suntan lotion on everyone within reach”), On a Diet, on Facebook (“Don’t really tell us what you’re doing”), and more. So, so funny.

I want to share a couple of the How Not To Act Old With Your Phone tips with my faithful readers, because they made me laugh out loud, and (cough, cough) recognize myself!

  • Don’t be unable to find your cell phone because you put it away in a different place every time.
  • Don’t hold your phone at arm’s length—so you can read the numbers—and then dial very, very slowly, with your index finger. (Soooo me.)
  • Don’t hurry off the phone because you’re afraid of running up your bill. You have 800 hundred minutes a month, and you’ve used only 63.
  • Do not set your ringtone to the Sex and the City theme or the old phone tone (brrring brrring).

And a couple of tidbits from How Not to Act Old With Your Hair, none of them serious advice from me. Do whatever you love with your hair, before and after you get “old”. Ariane, at 45+, is a goddess with her buzzcut, and 40+ Vix is divine in her waist-length ‘do.

Ariane‘s buzz is amazing . . .
And Vix has incredible long hair.
  • Don’t chop it off. If you love short hair, fab, but too often Evil Young Hairdressers — and even Evil Not-So-Young Ones — try to make every woman over 40 cut off all her hair.  I say chop it all off if you want! But do it with verve.
  • Don’t cling to the style that worked for you twenty years ago. Here’s the mistake: Deciding how to wear your hair based on that amazing picture taken of you 20 years ago. This I generally agree with, although some ‘dos are classic and for life, hello Christie Brinkley.
  • Don’t be afraid of hair adventures. Agree, agree . . . what’s the worst that could happen?

Happy Thursday and enjoy your life today,

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patti

18 Comments

  1. What a timely bit today! Thank you a lot for this fantastic post.
    How can you find so many details? I like the way you organize everything, since
    it’s really easy to read. All in all, I will recommend this report to everyone who is interested in that subject.

  2. I've got to check this article out for more tips!!
    I'm keeping mine short to get all of the dyed hair gone and back to my natural grey color (sans my pink in the front) Then it's fair game on what i'll do with it!!

  3. Great post, as always, this really made me chuckle too!
    About the hair: I am 35 and I went to the hairdresser recently and she hasn't known me for too long and when I mentioned that I felt like dying my hair pink again was met with a badly disguised expression of horror and a general comment like ' some hairstyles don't suit older women at all'. It wasn't as explicit as it may sound, but this was what I understood. Shocking!!!

  4. I love Ariane´s style and I´m with you on holding the phone at arm´s length while reading a text message or numbers. lol!

  5. love it! I do all the rubbish old person phone stuff…i have had a phone for 4 years and in that time used 10 minutes of call time and sent 1 text!!! seriously!! once for a laugh one of my friends who was lunching with me and a group of others phoned me…i panicked and nearlu upturned the table not knowing what to do!! they thought it was oh so very funny! i only have it for taking pictures when I'm running lol! As for my hair…i'm 45 this year and its been blue, green, purple, rainbow. pink, pillar box red, white, lilac, auburn and blonde all in the last 10 months! I have cut it short and re grown it also and have decided the thing i like doing is changing it!! it's what i do..i change it! but when i went full head pink red and purple i had so many people, younger, older and the same age who said i was too old for crazy hair!!! like, get out of town…never knew there was an 'age group' for hair colour!! how sad people think like this…i rocked it at 44…so there!

  6. Oh, the inevitable day I need bifocals is approaching, and trying to dial or text on my phone is where it first started becoming apparent what was to come. And hair! I may yet succumb to a pixie cut, but it sure isn't going to be because I think it's an age-appropriate choice. I'm not sure a pixie cut would be flattering on my long, angular face, but who knows? In the meantime, my internal vision of myself as a person with long hair is still pretty strong.

  7. Oh I must find this book, it sounds fab. I noticed last time I was out to dinner, in New York, with my brother that everyone was holding the menu at arms length!

  8. Hahaha! So funny, Patti! Tremendously flattered by the mention, too. I stopped go to the hairdressers four years ago as I bored with girls young enough for me to have given birth to telling me what would suit me. Straightening irons, regular fringe trims and having to wash it more than twice a week definitely wouldn't suit me. It's bad enough touching up the silver roots once a month!
    I'm afraid I'm the old fogie with the mobile, too. I rarely have it with me and it takes me so long to text when I need to that it's painful. xxx

  9. Some sage words of advice there. Your hair always looks lovely.
    Jane (thesmallfabricofmylife)

  10. Oh my, I resemble that remark… though I'm no doubt aging myself by saying that too, but hey I'm glad to find your blog, love both the hairstyles, thanks for the post!

  11. I don't even carry a cell phone, so I try to be ironic when I show my ignorance about technology. I just say I'm Urban Amish.

  12. Patti – you made my evening. I needed to read a post like this. I was fully involved in a self pity party. I DID cut off all of my long hair and soooo regretted it. I've been growing it out again and I'll be damned if I won't wear my LONG platinum hair with pride!

  13. Yes to hair adventures!! I see so many ladies get 'stuck' in the same do forever. I also think finding a hairdresser who will give you an 'edgy' style w/o actually doing anything too extreme is the perfect solution for women of any age to look more stylin'!

  14. Love the hair advice and I am jealous of women that can go very short or very long and look good. Some of us really do need to stay with a style we have worn for years simply because that's what our hair will do. Mine is that way.. ugh… other styles simply don't work for me.

  15. Heehee — I had hair even longer than Vix's, until I didn't. My old braid lives in my glove compartment and scares off the vandals. Meanwhile, I've been on a hair adventure, and it's really fun! I never would have cut it off voluntarily, but haven't looked back with it now short. I'm in love with Amber's little crown of spikes — so sweet!

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